Log in

entries friends calendar profile Previous Previous Next Next
818.5409 R754p


Fun GameCollapse )
Leave a comment
Some of the best LJ moments take place in the comments, not the posts. What is your favorite comment or thread from a post?
I don't really have a lot of friends on lj. So really I'm happy when I get just about any comment. It's good to know that sometimes I do reach someone out there and that they're actually interested enough to comment.

Tags: , ,

4 comments or Leave a comment
Not Waving But Drowning

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he’s dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.
~Stevie Smith
1 comment or Leave a comment
1 comment or Leave a comment

Leave a comment
Do you seek attention or hide from it?
I very much don't seek it. I can talk to people in a class or work when I need to but I'm usually very shy any other time. It's not that I don't want attention it's just that if I notice that someone might want to talk to me or be about to approach me I tense up and sort of hide myself because I'm just too uncomfortable with being approached. I don't want to be alone but I'm too shy to really reach out most of the time.


1 comment or Leave a comment
Sometimes I feel the need to apologize for myself. I'm not really much use to anyone and most of the time I'm just a burden on others. It sickens me that someone like me was permitted to live. Sometimes I wonder if my parents knew how I was going to turn out would they have decided to have me after all. Every day something or someone reminds me of how parasitical I am. How I'll never really be able to provide for myself and, by some miracle, have some sort of job satisfaction as well as maintaining some dignity. I try to look around use other people as examples that maybe I can become successful but it never seems to work b/c either the person was in a job I figured I would hate or I couldn't understand how they got the job or they weren't successful and they were stuck in a job as shitty as the one I expect to be stuck in the rest of my life, if I can get a job at all. Most of the time I just feel so sick about how sick and wrong this world is and how perverted and sadistic someone would have to be to dream up a world like this one. I guess that's why I often find myself questioning the concept of intelligent design or an omniscient creator deity. I suppose that I'm afraid that there really is no purpose to this grand science experiment called life. When I was a little kid someone told me that God created man because he was lonely. It seemed like a satisfactory excuse at the time but now I don't think I could possibly come up with a more bogus reason to create a baby, much less a whole world of living beings. And if God did, in fact, create us without any kind of plan or greater purpose for us all, doesn't that make him nothing more than a negligent parent or worse, more like a little boy playing with the equivalent of an ant farm? Do you realize how soon a little boy gets bored with an ant farm? And if that is , in fact, all we are then I really see no reason for us to be here and, by exstension, no reason for me to be here. It's either that or maybe Nietzsche is right. Maybe God is dead, but I don't think we killed him, nor do I think that we have moved beyond our need of him. I think we need him just as much as we ever did, if not more so. I think he is the one that abandoned us. Assuming he ever existed at all. Not that atheism makes any more sense to me. I don't understand how, out of all the chaos there could just spontaneously, out of nothing, appear a whole planet teeming with life, but somehow it's the only planet in the universe, that we know of, like that. And apparently some primordial ooze crawled out of the ocean and evolved into enough singular humans to not create any kind of inbreeding problems as well as a bunch of other comepletly different animals. I could discuss more details about this but then this entry would become a book. I have no problem with the theory of evolution, but I know it's just that. A theory. Scientists still can't say exactly how this world came to be or exactly how the animals and plants were able to evolve from what they believe that they were to what they are now. I don't feel we're at a point where we could really say whether there's a god or not. But I guess the person that set all of this off was Milton, when I had to read Paradise Lost for class. It's ironic that Satan is the most sympathetic person in the book. In Christianity, we believe that God came down as Christ so he could understand humanity. And I'm not even going to go into how messed up it is that God might have created us without the capacity to understand us, or the fact that he's supposed to know everything but is apparently incapable of understanding us. And, for that matter, that he took him that long to get down here. But in Paradise Lost it's really Satan who is the most human. If God really wanted to understand us he should have looked at his own right hand, because that's what Satan was before his fall. But, like us Satan couldn't understand why he couldn't simply do what he wanted and why he had to kow tow to God all the time. And like us, he fell and afterwards Jesus squirreled his way into the favorite spot by being a complete brown-noser and God makes himself some new toys named humans. There's one particular passage that rings pretty true to me. In the passage Satan asks God why he created humans and gave them free will when he knew they would fall. (Since God knows everything after all.) Which means God knew we'd fall and he'd have to punish us. He knew he'd have to kill most of us in the flood and the atrocities we'd do to each other. He knew he have to send someone down to save us and hs sacrifice of his son wasn't a sacrifice at all. And God says that he did because he made angels and they worshipped him, but not because they loved him. It was only because they had no free will. So, essentially created humans for the sake of vanity. Because it's just  so much better being worshipped when people choose to worship than when they have no choice. And I just don't agree with that. I think that if I'm going to worship something then it better be deserving of my worship. People have to earn respect and so should God. And I don't think that we should worship him just because he put us here. That makes him powerful, not worthy of our respect. And I don't think that anything in this world indicates anything more than entropy ruling this world. I don't particularly like this world or much in it and honestly, until I see some pretty convincing evidence to the contrary I don't think that there's much of a reason for me to remain a part of it. So, in conclusion, I'm not okay, you're not okay and whether God gives a crap about all this or not, that's not okay.
1 comment or Leave a comment

hebetude- lethargy, dullness
torpor- a: a state of mental and motor inactivity with partial or total insensibility b: a state of lowered physiological activity typically characterized by reduced metabolism, heart rate, respiration, and body temperature that occurs in varying degrees especially in hibernating and estivating animals
ennui- a feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction
quaggy- 1 : marshy 2 : flabby
prelapsarian- characteristic of or belonging to the time or state before the fall of humankind
remora- 1 : any of various marine fishes that have a suction disk on the head by means of which they cling especially to other fishes 2 : hindrance, drag
Leave a comment

alienist- psychiatrist
prolix-  1 : unduly prolonged or drawn out : too long  2 : marked by or using an excess of words
bifurcate- to divide or cause to divide into two branches or parts
xeric- characterized by, relating to, or requiring only a small amount of moisture
derelict- 1 : abandoned especially by the owner or occupant : run-down  2 : lacking a sense of duty : negligent
ineffable- 1 a : incapable of being expressed in words : indescribable b : unspeakable 2 : not to be uttered : taboo
jurisprudence-  1. : the science or philosophy of law  2. a : a system or body of law  b : the course of court decisions 3 : a department of law
officinal- tending or used to cure disease or relieve pain : medicinal
exculpate- to clear from alleged fault or guilt
milieu- the physical or social setting in which something occurs or develops
obsequious- marked by or exhibiting a fawning attentiveness synonyms: subservient
verisimilar- 1 : having the appearance of truth  2 : depicting realism (as in art or literature)
negate- 1 : to deny the existence or truth of  2 : to cause to be ineffective or invalid
Leave a comment
i missed a day.

Today's words:
Harbinger-  one that pioneers in or initiates a major change or  one that presages or foreshadows what is to come
Perspicacity- of acute mental vision or discernment

Yesterday's words:
Paradigm- an outstandingly clear or typical example or archetype
Vagary- an erratic, unpredictable, or extravagant manifestation, action, or notion
Leave a comment